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[11 Dec 2009|03:22am]
[ mood | pensive ]

date #2 with timothy. he talked more, i talked less. we made out a lot more, in several different locations. we drove out to the dark lake and came close to having sex, but i refused. we exchanged sexual favors instead.

i got slight hints from him that he may be beginning to dig me. i have a feeling this could go very well as long as i stop overanalyzing everying (as i tend to do) and wait patiently, cautiously, for things to pan out and expose themselves instead of looking for symbols in what are likely simply random leaves.

he's very attractive and interesting, but seemingly self-absorbed as well. i had felt this from our first date and onward. his conversation wasn't stimulating, but he's succinct and in that way quirkily engaging. and of course my physical attraction to him comes heavily into play.

earlier today i was worrying about overworrying in regards to my situation with him. previously i was considering actually dating him.

my problem, i know, is that i'm afraid of and unfamiliar with commitment.

now enters the deus ex machina.

joshua is one of travis' friends. he comes over fairly often, but is usually secluded with travis his girlfriend lexi in their room.

the other night we had what i guess would be considered a party but in reality is nearly every night here. joshua spent a fair amount of time in my room, in a smaller social setting, interacting with me and those around me. we looked up music videos and just hung out while drinking. he was much more personable than usual, as he was known to be "kooky" or even off-kilter by people who had just met him. indeed i felt the same way when i first was introduced.

regardless of why he acts so absurdly in larger groups, in the small group he flourished.

he came back over tonight and spent a considerable amount of time with me in my room. we talked for almost two hours, half of which was just the two of us, the other half with various people filtering in and out of the room. i learned he wants to major in philosophy and is dedicated to the idea of using his life as a tool for bettering other peoples'.

we talked about what words we thought were beautiful (spawned by the movie donnie darko, which i've seen but don't remember at all) and what words we just liked. we looked up words we were unsure about. we spoke about all kinds of philosophies, anti-americanism, pseudosciences (physiognomy, graphology, astrology), alchemy, communication barriers, and just about everything that gets me involved and passionate in a conversation.

in short, my night was both sexually and intellectually stimulating.

here's my plan: i can cultivate a relationship with joshua. i am attracted to him; his features are scholarly and handsome and he has that big, long nose i so lust after. however, that won't come until later. it will be a cultivation, after all, and start out as a friendship until i become more comfortable.

up to the point i do become comfortable, because i am being challenged mentally already, it will be impossibly easy to use timothy as purely a sexual outlet.

i honestly can't get joshua out of my head right now, and i was pained to see him go. i would absolutely love to smoke bowls and talk to him for the entire night, and it was speaking with him that spurned the revelation that this exactly was what i was missing with timothy.

is this selfish of me? i'm unsure. it seems like a very good idea right now. i know a lot of it depends on my ability to stay detached from timothy, but for some reason i feel i've zoomed out on the situation far enough now, perspectively speaking, to say with confidence that i'm capable of it.

i'm optimistic and elated atm. all because of a conversation!

i feel very good about the future, presently.

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redux [26 Mar 2009|05:28pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

i posted this in another blog, but i don't think i've put it here.

anyway, everyone likes knowing what people think of them, so this is an interesting way to do that that's simple and quick. you just pick 5-6 words from the list that you think describe me. you can make it anonymous, even! and then you can make your own and i'll return the favor.


4 comments|post comment

help D: [13 Feb 2009|02:33pm]
[ mood | busy ]

i can't load any images from photobucket, or even the webpage itself.

it's ONLY photobucket. doesn't work in firefox,IE OR opera.

if anyone has any inkling at what it could be, let me know. i have additional geeky data.

oh, here's some of it, taken from an email i sent my network-master friend but he hasn't replied yet:

i found a troubleshoot on mozillazine.org and one of the solutions was to try downloading dnslookup, which i did. i typed in "www.photobucket.com" and it gave me these results:

Name: "www.photobucket.com"
Error: No such host is known. (11001)
Time: 12020.751 ms
Alternate 2 (W2KPro and up):
Error: This operation returned because the timeout period expired.
Time: 12002.859 ms

it also has a "clear cache" button which is just a dns flush, but i don't know if it worked. i tried opening ipconfig manually but it flashes on the screen for a millisecond, then disappears. i'm on the administrative account, so i don't know what's wrong!


6 comments|post comment

on being 19 and old and crow's-foot'd [21 Feb 2008|01:38am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

my computer was broken, but i fixed it.

for valentine's day (also, consequently, my birthday) i made reservations at p.f. chang's for dinner. all they had left when i called the day of was for 4:10 PM (such a weird time, i know). then the lady sounded extremely surprised when she asked, "and this is for two, correct?" and i said, "no, three."


so, i took richard and jesse out to eat. i gorged on crab wontons and banana spring rolls. GOD i love those.

richard was supposed to draw a sketch of me (NUDEZ0R!) for my birthday, because i really think he has a skill for drawing, even if he denies it...but he hasn't gotten around to it yet. oh well. half of it is my fault for not being like, "okay, i'm ready! let's do this."

from emily i got $15 and a card with titties on it. inside she wrote, "i know how much you like titties, so i got you a card with some on it." har har. but it was a nice card.

from my mom, i got $100 to sears and a coffee travel mug from starbucks. pink and red and covered in hearts and 'i love yous' in cursive script, naturally.

from grandma, a check for $150.

the broken-ness turned out to be faulty ram, but it took me nearly two weeks just to figure that out. i'm not too good with hardware issues.

but i'm sending the stick of ram back and getting it replaced under warranty. having only one gig of ram makes me paranoid that my computer is going to explode or melt any second. irrational, but justifiable, i feel.

i was getting really angry, because my computer broke basically the day after i bought my own, official copy of world of warcraft and i felt as though my free one month that came along with the $18.99 was going to be completely wasted. i'll have to make up for it by not sleeping for three days, i think.

meanwhile i've spent nearly 140 hours on final fantasy 12, plus another 30 hours on a new game i started. (not in the past week; those times are over the six months or so.)

i have two more side-quest bosses to defeat, two more hunts, and i have to finish the fishing side-quest, and then i'll have completely, utterly, totally beat the game. but one of those bosses is level 99 (i'm level 55-60) and has 50 MILLION hit points. the strategy guide book literally says, "prepare for a fight that will last several hours."


but it's my favorite game of all time (even moreso than kingdom hearts!). so i'm proud of the time i've poured into it. yes, proud.

i need to find a job. i didn't want it to come to this, but i might have to suck it up and apply at pizza hut or dominoes. the only experience i have is with pizza, and i don't want to work anywhere near a deep fat fryer.

even the call center hasn't called me back. christ.


in the spirit of being 19 years old, i thought to compile a list of things i've learned from my lower-teen years. i'm only going to list the things i remember from when i originally got the idea. i know i forgot a few.

-i've smoked officially for six years now. i can confidently, and truthfully say, i still am not addicted to it. i will wonder why for the rest of my life (or until i do become addicted).
-my 17 year old self was very convincing in the speeches she'd give me about how college was inconsequential and high school was a dull, pointless test of obscure intelligences. now that i'm out of high school, i see how easy those justifications were to make. and realize that i don't know what to do with my life except for continue schooling. or waste away in the pizza empire.
-everyone complains about how difficult living on your own is. it's not difficult when you inherit $20,000 from your long-dead father. without that money, i'd live at home with my mom until i rotted, i think.
-snow is all well and good. until you have to drive in it. then it becomes despicable. i don't care how pure the earth looks, it's fucking slippery and dangerous! don't be fooled.
-i worry less than most people i know.

well, that's all i remember. hopefully you can glean tidbits from my knowledge to assist yourself.

we also went into a whole foods market for the first time, with jesse as the lead navigator. we spent $10 on homemade, organic guacamole and it was the best thing i've ever tasted. i've had an insatiable craving for all things avocado lately, and it really hit the spot. it was gone the same day we bought it. and god damnit i want more.

until i think of more important things!
5 comments|post comment

living in portland [07 Feb 2008|03:04pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

we've successfully embedded ourselves in portland!

link to pictures

the photos of our food-stocked cupboards are more peace of mind for our worried moms.

i got all the registration stuff for pcc and fafsa done online today, now i just have to wait to hear back from them...after that i can start taking the placement tests for reading, writing & math (i really hope i remember enough of math from three years ago so that i don't have to take another math class...ugh...) and then get my classes scheduled and registered and do all the other fun stuff, like parking permits and ID cards and buying books!

that's assuming the whole fafsa thing doesn't take three months (it says it COULD take UP TO three months...most people say theirs goes through in a couple weeks >_>)

i'm hoping the financial aid will be enough so that i'll only need a really, super-part-time job (maybe 20 hours a week) to be able to pay my bills.

we'll, here's hoping.
1 comment|post comment

[29 Nov 2007|03:57am]
[ mood | amused ]

i will come back, edit this, and make it a real, updated entry.

i pro-...

well. most likely, i will.
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[15 Oct 2007|02:17am]
[ mood | intrigued ]


this is neat. click on it, do it for me, make one for yourself, i'll return the favor. very interesting.

3 comments|post comment

[22 Jul 2007|05:40am]
okay. this book took me about 10 hours. i didn't keep exact track of the time, this time.

it was utterly awful when i woke yesterday morning. i went to bed at 4 am, woke up at 7 am, was up all morning and afternoon waiting for my book to be delivered, took a fitful nap, woke up around 5 pm, still no sign of my book and richard had gone to walmart around 11 to pick up his own copy because he wouldn't be able to stand me having mine and he having to sit around while i read it...and it turned out the other way.

so we left around 5 to go to walmart again so i could temporarily buy a copy, to be returned when my copy in the mail came, but we checked the mail before leaving and it was in the mail box all along. thanks, ups. god.

despite richard having a six hour lead on me, by the time he went to bed i was 20 pages ahead of him, and i just now finished--his eyes were getting blurry and he has to work today anyway.

my mind's all boggy and i need to sleep now. i'm sad that it's over, but relieved, too. it's been a really great journey, from 5th grade to 12th.
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[01 Jun 2007|08:01pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

so i went to sasquatch, but didn't see interpol. long story short, it got really, REALLY windy (we were in a giant valley, anyway) so the polyphonic spree got cut off in the middle of their set, and they're about three bands before interpol, with hour long sets...so that's three hours, plus 2-3 more we would've had to stay to 'wait for the wind to die down'...emily and i were sunburnt and cold and miserable, so we just left and got home early. it was a lot of fun, though. tons of hippies.

made it to school EVERY day this week, not counting memorial day of course and thursday i only went for half a day...but at least i went! monday and tuesday are my last days EVER. ever. yes.

tomorrow richard, jesse and i are hitching a ride with his dad's band (they're a beatles cover band) down to post falls, idaho to hang out there/coeur d'alene for the day. we're going to go swimming in lake coeur d'alene. my art teacher, mr. banger, lives in CD'A and says the lake is really warm already. plus it's going to be 91 effing degrees.

then sunday we're going swimming in the little spokane river at critter springs, 'cause it's supposed to be 95 then.

so i'm waiting for richard to pick me up now, and just thought i'd update a bit. swimming is fun. i'm excited!

i also got some money from my mom to try a locally-owned mediterranean restaurant called the white house in post falls. mr. banger recommended it to me, saying it was really, REALLY good food, for nice and cheap. we met up with patrick and his girlfriend molly at a taste of thai, our usual restaurant haunt, and molly reaffirmed the white house's greatness.

also today in art class, christian, a kid in my class, taught me how to make a basic square knot pattern with hemp twine so i can make basic beaded bracelets, necklaces, anklets, etc. so richard and i are going to go to michael's or some other craft store to pick out some neat beads and more thread (christian said it's hella cheap, like a buck for enough to make 2-3 bracelets).

yesterday my mom sent me to wal-mart to buy some groceries and miscellaneous toiletry items, and i drove all the way there (like 17 miles) before i realized i had forgotten the money, the car keys (our car's ignition broke a year ago or so, and the ignition we had it replaced with has a key permanently stuck in it, so we use another key to lock the car), and the grocery list at home. i got home totally ashamed of myself. i know i'm terribly forgetful, but i mean...that much? god. ...god.

and also thursday was my only final, in economics, and i think i did exceptionally well. today, the teacher told me that if i did as well as i feel like i did, she'll help me out with my grade by weighing the test more than the 150 points it counts as for everyone else, so it'll raise me up to a B or so. hooray!

so that's that.
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[22 May 2007|07:04pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

new things i did today:
1. drove in the rain (with the windows down and the heater going full-blast, too)
2. pumped gas...wrong. don't ask me how i did it, but i totally screwed it up and the guy behind the counter had to come out and do it for me.
3. washed my face with annoying dangly earrings on. not recommended.
4. remembered to empty all the trash cans in the house (i've never NOT had my mom have to remind me.)

yesterday there was a huge thunderstorm (but, sadly, like all thunderstorms, it was short-lived) and richard and i had been cuddling on my bed in our pajamas when we heard the wind pick up and saw the sky get all purple-y silver as is characteristic. so we threw clothes on and ran outside, into his car. we sat there for a second, cuddling more, now in the rain, then suddenly he started the car and we started down my driveway. i asked him where we were going but by the time i asked we were already there. we pulled into the sontag park (it's literally right across the street from my house) parking lot and he turned his car off. we sat there for a couple seconds, again, then suddenly he turned to me and said, "let's run to the playground. come on!" (note: the playground is in the far corner of the park--a bit less than half a football field away from where we were, in the middle of a big, open grassy area.) i protested at first but finally all the rain and thundery noises got me all hyped up and excited, so we jumped out of the car and ran as fast as we could towards the plastic bridges and such. we huddled under a pair of yellow slides and watched the lightning for a bit, then ran back fairly quickly (it was cold, and we were soaked) holding hands this time, peeled off our wet clothes, and i put the kettle on and made peach tea for us.

then we had amazing thunderstorm sex.

all in all it was a good day.

today my mom let me drive (she hasn't been for a while because of ridiculous gas prices) down to albertson's to pick up some random things, and i got a couple vitamin waters, oreo handi snacks (OMFG THEY'RE SO FUCKING GOOD! and i normally am not a big fan of oreos), gardetto's, and mini chocolate chip teddy grahams. and two red baron special supreme pizzas. (SPECIAL supreme toppings include green and red peppers, sausage, pepperoni, onion, mushrooms, and black olives, in contrast to the 'regular' supreme toppings, which don't have onion and black olives.)

earlier today at school i scheduled an appointment with my counselor and found out that i am exempt from doing a senior final project. hell. yes.

today was a good day also.

meanwhile, in the upcoming:
-wednesday at 6pm at north central is an art show with free food. i'm bringing richard so he can meet mr. banger, whom he idolizes despite never having met him before.
-richard fandango'd tickets for me and himself for pirates of the caribbean 3 for a showing on thursday, may 24th, at 8:30 pm. i don't know how it happened, seeing as it's supposed to come out friday, but i guess we're seeing it thursday. cool.
-saturday morning, 7 am, emily and i leave for SAAAAAASSSSSSQUAAAAAATCHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

my fingers are covered in oreo frosting goo.

YEAH! awesome.
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they didn't give me anything & then they took half of that [07 May 2007|01:02pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

saturday night: prom. sort of. emily and i dressed up, richard and shaun just wore button-up shirts. we went to sukiyaki inn for dinner. we were going to buy some wine but emily's dad was a butthead and wouldn't let her spend the night at my house, so that idea was nixed. richard and i went back to my house and fell asleep.

sunday: i went to richard's parents' house with him. it was weird, now that he's "moved out" of his parents' house, into matt and rick's apartment. it had only been a week but he was acting all weird, being extra quiet and not touching anything, almost had a heart attack when i started raiding the fridge like i always do..."this isn't MY house anymore!" so we sat around awkwardly for a while, napped upstairs in his room on his couch for an hour, then i accompanied him to work, where i slept more in his car and then came inside and bought some spicy doritos and a sobe drink and read terrible fashion magazines as i kept him company. (for anyone who doesn't know, he works at yoke's, at the coffee stand. they only need one person per shift so i get to sit at the counter next to the coffee area and he comes over and sits and talks whenever he doesn't have a customer. it's nice.)

then we went back to "his" apartment and watched two hours of miami ink, for no real good reason. around 9 (we got there at about 7:30) my throat started feeling a bit sore, but i thought maybe it was because of matt (he's a chimney, seriously).

we finally got home (to my house) around 10:40 pm and my throat was worse. by midnight, it hurt to talk.

i woke up this morning feeling like someone had poured acid down my throat.

it's not strep, i don't think, though. which is good. it's just a really, really sore throat and a clogged nose. richard had it earlier this week, so i know where i got it from. but god it's not fun. and i miss so much school! seriously! this needs to stop. but will it ever? who knows.

i'm sorry, i'm a bit delirious from the ny-quil gelcaps.

next saturday: laserquest lock-in.

saturday after next after next: SASQUATCH MUSIC FESTIVAL!!!!!!!
16 comments|post comment

[04 May 2007|11:10pm]
[ mood | drained ]


i'm on the road. LEGALLY.

passed with the bare minimum, 80%. i think probably the lady just felt bad for me and passed me for the hell of it. she was nice.

so i drove from my house to the yoke's in mead, then back, then to emily's house and back to my house! all today! and i'm weirdly exhausted. from driving. yeah.

but it was awesome, don't worry.

and richard has to work early tomorrow so i came back home instead of spending the night at his house, since i'd rather be at my house to get ready for "prom" anyway.

since shaun is 21 he's not allowed to go to NC's prom, so emily, shaun, richard and i are just going to dress up and eat at sukiyaki inn. we were going to do some laser quest too, but decided to wait until next saturday, when the next lock-in is (that's $30 for six hours of straight laser tag...HELLZ YEAH) plus then we wouldn't have to worry about laser tagging in dresses and high heels.

emily, shaun, jai and i all saw hot fuzz again tonight (it was emily's first time...actually maybe it was shaun's, too). it was just as awesome the second time around.

and thursday emily and i skipped school and went up to sky prairie park on top of the giant five mile plateau...residential...area. yeah. you in spokane know what i'm talking about. five mile. anyway so we went up there and it was really windy that afternoon and cody happened to have two trick kites and a normal kite in his trunk...so we flew kites! it was astonishingly fun. emily and i were giggling like little girls. we had a lot of fun, and neither of us really knew why we were enjoying ourselves so much. i mean, it was just a kite. just a floaty rainbow-colored thing flitting about in the sky.

then cody let emily try the trick kite, and she nearly crashed it into me. THREE TIMES. and she laughed maniacally each time she did it. accidents my ass.

i'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from hot fuzz:

"fuck yeah."

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[04 May 2007|06:53am]
[ mood | anxious ]

today at 3:00 pm is my drive test.

this is it. my license is hours away.


5 comments|post comment

thinking of getting this... [13 Apr 2007|08:26pm]

...for prom. comments? opinions?
2 comments|post comment

hände hoch! [01 Mar 2007|04:20pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i took my written driver's test today; passed with an 80%, the bare minimum--but i passed! hooray!

i'm failing economics, but the teacher's really nice and said if i turned the three assignments i'm missing in by tomorrow she'll still give me full credit for them (and for effort too, even if i do them all wrong). awesome. plus there's a test tomorrow. that's the ONLY class i need to pass to graduate. figures.

we also got a $2,000 check from my grandma for a car. my mom called her old friend from church that found her a car when she needed one (the one she still has today, incidentally) and he happened to be selling one of his own cars and said he'd sell it to us for $1,100. it's a 1987 ford tempo, silver. since we have so much leftover money, my mom said i could get a stereo/cd player installed in it, too. the rest will go to licensing and registration and paying as much insurance ahead of time as i can.

i'm really happy that everything's finally starting to piece together in a finalized way. all that's left is getting insurance (for my mom and i both, since she's been using a fake insurance card for the past year), taking my driver's test once my mom's car is insured again, and then driving out to the valley where the guy lives after i get my license to get the car! no more waiting around wondering when things were going to get started. i'm really relieved. now i can get a job and not be dependent on everyone else and...become more adult-y. awesome.

in other news, i'm out of cigarettes. maybe my mom will be so stoked about me passing the written test that she'll let me go get some more from the gas station.

Diese Tat ist ihnen immer noch ferner
als die fernsten Gestirne
und doch haben sie dieselbe getan

hände hoch!

2 comments|post comment

go slowly, don't wake me up, don't shake me up [20 Feb 2007|09:37am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

canada was fun. really pretty, REALLY pretty. lots of big giant snowy misty mountains everywhere...and the drive was beautiful, too. the drive there and back was sunny but the days we spent there were overcast. :< but we had nice toasty hot springs to stay warm in, so it was okay. we had some delicious fish and chips at the local pub, but the restaurant at the hotel was expensive and not that great (their hashbrowns weren't...normal...and jesse found a hair in his salad, and they made their fettuccine alfredo with white wine and i hate pastas made with wine).

we got lost once on the way there and once on the way back, and we didn't have an atlas...but we figured it out. we passed through nelson both times and it was a really cool little city. way cooler than any little US cities. plus their safeway had a WAY superior bakery and deli section, and EVERYTHING had french underneath the english words. sorta like the US with spanish, except spanish isn't nearly as prevalent everywhere. and we heard a bunch of french-speaking people. and some russians.

canada overall had a much cooler vibe throughout it. and it was neat seeing the little differences (like the french thing, and km/h instead of mph).

and then as soon as we got home, jesse, richard and i all pounced on our computers and played aoe2 all night. then the next day i bought thai food for the three of us with the birthday money i got (~$80).

i also got a check from my grandma for $2000 for a car! yeee! so sometime this week or next my mom's going to cash it and we're going to go get a car for me. and thursday we get DSL internet installed in our house, so i won't be on dial up anymore either. wooo! and strangely it'll be cheaper than our dial up currently is, just because we have a second phone line installed, which is like $30 a month (our isp is only $10).

and emily was sick today so i don't have a ride to school. awesome!
3 comments|post comment

relax, don't think about the way i treat you [14 Feb 2007|06:06pm]
[ mood | loved ]

so, today is my birthday! which you all already knew. in case you didn't know, however, it also happens to be valentine's day. so happy valentine's day! but mostly happy birthday to me.

i am EIGHTEEN. i wrote/typed that grammatically incorrect on PURPOSE, using letters instead of numbers to emphasize my legal age.

i bought a pack of cigarettes and got my ears pierced! i was going to sign myself out of 6th period early but there would be no point since emily was taking me to get my ears pierced and she's not 18 yet and therefore could not sign out early with me.

she also bought me a pair of red boxer-brief-panty-undies. things. they're cute with a button.

and i got some bubble bath and perfume in my current favorite (and most favorite so far) scent from bath and body works, japanese cherry blossom. and a white sparkly rubber ducky. so i'm gonna take a bubble bath soon.

i also got a balloon and stuffed animal and jade plant from richard during 6th period. :3 the jade plant was the best part; he remembered that they're my favorite plant...i was hoping he'd remember (if he was going to buy me anything, anyway) that i liked jade plants or daffodils...and he did! hooray. it was also the first time i've ever gotten any sort of present on my birthday/valentine's day during school! i always secretly wished i could be one of those people all flustered and running around the school with flowers (though when i finally was i just felt like a giant prat because the balloon kept hitting people in the face because i'm so short).

and mr. banger, my art teacher, made me a whale out of a plastic water bottle, paperboard, and clear tape.

richard is coming over after work tonight at 10, so i'm happy. my day was fairly fulfilling.

and also it's raining right now. :3 <3<3<3
3 comments|post comment

[11 Feb 2007|09:40pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

so, i wrote down a phone number for a $1600 '94 suzuki swift that some guy up in ford (way the hell down the highway past the town i live in, even more in the middle of nowhere) and for the first time since i've ever taken down a number for a car and called a guy...he called back! fuckin'...yeah! i'm really excited. we're going to go check it out 'n stuff tomorrow, me and my mom. the car is a two door, hatchback. red. i hate red, but i'll deal with it for goddamn only $1600. plus he said he might be willing to cut it down to ~$1300. it's a stick-shift, but it gets 40 mpg, which is great for me, seeing as i, as mentioned moments ago, live in the middle of nowhere.

so, we're meeting him tomorrow at 3:30 in suncrest (sort of almost halfway between nine mile [where i live] and ford). wooo. hope this goes well.
5 comments|post comment

you cocked your head to shoot me down [06 Feb 2007|05:25pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

humm. well.

today was my first full day back at regular high school. i go to NC now, which is in the city. no more tiny lakeside for me, thank god. NC's not as big as i expected, actually (i said the same thing about manhattan when i visited there, too...strange) but it far outweighs lakeside in better-ness. my brain's kind of dead-feeling right now, thus the sentences that aren't up to my usual bar of eloquence.

it's big enough, though, that the transition was extremely easy. the classes are impersonal; none of the "get into groups/partners for the next activity!" shit like at lakeside. i'm not forced to bond with other people over schoolwork. it's all solitary, and so, SO much easier. plus we have six periods a day, which means shorter classes. the only required class i'm taking is econ. other than that, i take three art classes with the same teacher, who's really awesome, then a photography class, and i'm an office TA for one period. except for econ, i have no homework, and the art class is such a relaxing atmosphere...today we listened to the moon & antarctica all period [during 1/3 periods i have it]. and even though all three art classes have different names, each class is doing the same art project, so i just have tons of extra time to get everything done. it's great.

i miss richard a lot, though. i've noticed i talk about him a lot whenever anyone makes an effort to talk to me (besides emily...although i talk about him pretty often while talking to her also). i don't mind, of course. just thought it was a weird little...thing that i noticed. i'll probably only be seeing him on weekends...and this weekend he's busy for one of the two days i get to see him already. oh well. distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? for me it's working, at least.

plus today was really warm. we're talking like, 40 degrees, when it's been 20 for so long. it really lifted my spirits. it was...warm. such a seemingly new feeling, to be pleasantly warm while outside.

and we have papa john's leftovers. hellz yeah. cheese bread + pepperoni pizza. mmm.

at lunch i just hang out with emily and jai, and it's really just nice, being in school again.

i always look forward to big changes in my life, but then right before they're supposed to happen, i lose my spine and back out. but this time i had no plausible way to back out. my mom needed me in school full-time so we could continue getting social security money. that's what we live off of, our only income, so i really had no choice. if i had, i would've chickened out. it took a day and a half to get my schedule all worked out, and at first it was looking really terrible, with a skills center class (in my mind, skills center = retards and delinquents for peers) and either PE, drama (acting *shudder*), or fucking autobody for christ's sake...but i spoke up at the last minute and two hours later i had a redundant, but much better schedule. for the sake of listing it, here it is:

1st: photography (with jai)
2nd: creative drawing (with emily + her friend clint, who's cool but quiet)
3rd: color & design (with a bunch of freshmen, but they're nice)
4th: office TA (working with two really nice old ladies)
5th: econ (with lexi...she has waist-long dreads now, it's amazing)
6th: painting (with clint, the cool/quiet guy, and a slightly creepy mexican that talked to me a lot, but whatever)

yep. so all in all, i'm pretty happy. except for not getting to see richard as much, my life has taken a positive change. i don't feel depressed at all anymore either, what with the sun and the warmth and the being forced to be around people every day (well, maybe that's not actually helping...). of course, i stopped taking the pill too, because my doctor told me my doxycycline (antibiotic for my acne) completely negates it, so i have to choose one or the other...and it's not like richard and i do it like rabbits (anymore *cough*) but who knows, maybe that'll change too now that i'm going to school again, like i was when we were still rabbity. haha.

now i just have to ask richard if i can unquit smoking, 'cause i miss it. he said he wouldn't mind if i did (he secretly thinks it's sexy). i only smoke 1-2 cigarettes a day, anyway.

okay, finis.
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the digital won't let me go [14 Oct 2006|02:58pm]
[ mood | eww...i'm cheerful. ]

well, i just woke up for some reason, on my own. (i had to pee) but now i can't go back to bed. richard will be here in an hour or so anyway. we're going on a picnic. wooo.

obviously things worked out between us. he came over a few hours after i broke up with him and when i saw him i just started bawling like the big baby i am (x_x) but for the better, i suppose. we got back together and agreed to make some changes, i told him the truth about my particular 'smoking' habits, we talked everything over, and now we're good.

he stayed over at my house two nights in a row and it was a nice change of pace. really nice. we decided to do that more often, and we agreed that i'd spend two nights at his house at a time, three if i really wanted to, but usually just two.

so i'm going over for my first two night period. i've been really happy though, since we sort of worked things out. neither of us want to be another teenage on-again off-again statistical relationship, though, so i hope it never comes to that. though i guess technically we've broken up twice and gotten back together in the course of our relationship so far.

anyway. last night i hung out with emily and shaun, we got lost in northside spokane driving around residential areas looking for pizza rita. we finally found it and emily's friend trevor was working, so we got a completely FREE pizza but it tasted really weird so that was pretty effin' awesome.

i downloaded laika come home...goddamn what have i been missing! it's amazing. i love it. so much. ><

when we went to go pick up shaun i got to go to his house for the first time, and our kitten's mom was there, along with all our kitten's brothers and sisters...and they ALL looked exactly the same, and exactly like mizu. it was like a sleeping pile of mizus! awww it was sooo cuuute *explode*

anyway, shaun's house had a myriad of kitties and i was in kitty-heaven. it even had a cute mangy puppy. and there were some loud ducks and a pissed off goose. kind of funny how both emily's and my boyfriends live way out of the way, on a farm with tons of cats. i guess that's where they breed these strange emo-looking boys now.

AND it's supposed to rain sunday and monday! freakin' score man. freakin'...score.

that's all.
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