today was my first full day back at regular high school. i go to NC now, which is in the city. no more tiny lakeside for me, thank god. NC's not as big as i expected, actually (i said the same thing about manhattan when i visited there, too...strange) but it far outweighs lakeside in better-ness. my brain's kind of dead-feeling right now, thus the sentences that aren't up to my usual bar of eloquence.
it's big enough, though, that the transition was extremely easy. the classes are impersonal; none of the "get into groups/partners for the next activity!" shit like at lakeside. i'm not forced to bond with other people over schoolwork. it's all solitary, and so, SO much easier. plus we have six periods a day, which means shorter classes. the only required class i'm taking is econ. other than that, i take three art classes with the same teacher, who's really awesome, then a photography class, and i'm an office TA for one period. except for econ, i have no homework, and the art class is such a relaxing atmosphere...today we listened to the moon & antarctica all period [during 1/3 periods i have it]. and even though all three art classes have different names, each class is doing the same art project, so i just have tons of extra time to get everything done. it's great.
i miss richard a lot, though. i've noticed i talk about him a lot whenever anyone makes an effort to talk to me (besides emily...although i talk about him pretty often while talking to her also). i don't mind, of course. just thought it was a weird little...thing that i noticed. i'll probably only be seeing him on weekends...and this weekend he's busy for one of the two days i get to see him already. oh well. distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? for me it's working, at least.
plus today was really warm. we're talking like, 40 degrees, when it's been 20 for so long. it really lifted my spirits. it was...warm. such a seemingly new feeling, to be pleasantly warm while outside.
and we have papa john's leftovers. hellz yeah. cheese bread + pepperoni pizza. mmm.
at lunch i just hang out with emily and jai, and it's really just nice, being in school again.
i always look forward to big changes in my life, but then right before they're supposed to happen, i lose my spine and back out. but this time i had no plausible way to back out. my mom needed me in school full-time so we could continue getting social security money. that's what we live off of, our only income, so i really had no choice. if i had, i would've chickened out. it took a day and a half to get my schedule all worked out, and at first it was looking really terrible, with a skills center class (in my mind, skills center = retards and delinquents for peers) and either PE, drama (acting *shudder*), or fucking autobody for christ's sake...but i spoke up at the last minute and two hours later i had a redundant, but much better schedule. for the sake of listing it, here it is:
1st: photography (with jai)
2nd: creative drawing (with emily + her friend clint, who's cool but quiet)
3rd: color & design (with a bunch of freshmen, but they're nice)
4th: office TA (working with two really nice old ladies)
5th: econ (with lexi...she has waist-long dreads now, it's amazing)
6th: painting (with clint, the cool/quiet guy, and a slightly creepy mexican that talked to me a lot, but whatever)
yep. so all in all, i'm pretty happy. except for not getting to see richard as much, my life has taken a positive change. i don't feel depressed at all anymore either, what with the sun and the warmth and the being forced to be around people every day (well, maybe that's not actually helping...). of course, i stopped taking the pill too, because my doctor told me my doxycycline (antibiotic for my acne) completely negates it, so i have to choose one or the other...and it's not like richard and i do it like rabbits (anymore *cough*) but who knows, maybe that'll change too now that i'm going to school again, like i was when we were still rabbity. haha.
now i just have to ask richard if i can unquit smoking, 'cause i miss it. he said he wouldn't mind if i did (he secretly thinks it's sexy). i only smoke 1-2 cigarettes a day, anyway.